A letter to my baby girl that never was

Today is the 7th September – 4 years to the day since we said goodbye to you.

I still think about you, although not many people would realise that or understand. I still wonder what if? Every time I read in the paper of a baby who defied the odds and survived I wonder if the doctors may have got it wrong in our case.

Should we have given you a chance – didn’t you deserve at least a chance?

You looked perfect to me on the scan. I breathed a deep sigh of relief to see your little heart beating away. Your perfect little hands and feet waving around and your face, so beautiful, with a little button nose.

But they saw what we could not – we needed more tests, more scans. We spent weeks in limbo, not knowing, it was the worst kind of hell.

It wasn’t a shock to get the call to give your diagnosis, you wouldn’t live, you couldn’t survive. I already knew that in my heart.

I’ve cried a million tears for you my baby girl that never was. My little Evie, my little star xxx



33 thoughts on “A letter to my baby girl that never was

  1. happyeverafterbride

    I read through JackieM’s blog over the weekend on how she refused to take no for an answer for her Baby Noah, and I know it is not an easy decision to make because it is a tough life ahead of both of you and a lot more pain. My heart goes out to you.

  2. emma berry

    Couldn’t read this and not say something..so sorry for your loss and what a beautiful letter to remember your little girl by. I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel, but she will always be with you xx

  3. Pingback: Blogging – what i’ve learnt | Hurrah For Gin

  4. Donna

    I feel bad that I have never read this post before. I only really started reading blogs in January and although I feel like I know you so well this post was such a shock to me.
    I have tears in my eyes for you and for your Evie. I hope me commenting on this doesn’t bring it all up for you again although I imagine She is regularly in your thoughts anyway.
    I am so, so sorry you had to go through this – Sending love (no gin this time!) x


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