A letter to my baby girl that never was

Today is the 7th September – 4 years to the day since we said goodbye to you.

I still think about you, although not many people would realise that or understand. I still wonder what if? Every time I read in the paper of a baby who defied the odds and survived I wonder if the doctors may have got it wrong in our case.

Should we have given you a chance – didn’t you deserve at least a chance?

You looked perfect to me on the scan. I breathed a deep sigh of relief to see your little heart beating away. Your perfect little hands and feet waving around and your face, so beautiful, with a little button nose.

But they saw what we could not – we needed more tests, more scans. We spent weeks in limbo, not knowing, it was the worst kind of hell.

It wasn’t a shock to get the call to give your diagnosis, you wouldn’t live, you couldn’t survive. I already knew that in my heart.

I’ve cried a million tears for you my baby girl that never was. My little Evie, my little star xxx

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33 thoughts on “A letter to my baby girl that never was

  1. happyeverafterbride

    I read through JackieM’s blog over the weekend on how she refused to take no for an answer for her Baby Noah, and I know it is not an easy decision to make because it is a tough life ahead of both of you and a lot more pain. My heart goes out to you.

    Reply
  2. emma berry

    Couldn’t read this and not say something..so sorry for your loss and what a beautiful letter to remember your little girl by. I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel, but she will always be with you xx

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Blogging – what i’ve learnt | Hurrah For Gin

  4. Donna

    I feel bad that I have never read this post before. I only really started reading blogs in January and although I feel like I know you so well this post was such a shock to me.
    I have tears in my eyes for you and for your Evie. I hope me commenting on this doesn’t bring it all up for you again although I imagine She is regularly in your thoughts anyway.
    I am so, so sorry you had to go through this – Sending love (no gin this time!) x

    Reply

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