To bite or to be bitten?

Ok what’s worse – being a mum to a kid who goes around trying to take chunks out of others kids faces or being the mum of the one who is always on the receiving end?

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It seems to be happening with increasing occurrence that F is either being whacked around the head with a big stick or receiving a flying kick to the stomach. In the case of the photo (taken the day after the event!) he was pinned down and bitten hard on the face. I think you will agree he has fairly decent ‘proof marks’ (as we used to call them in my day).

Now i don’t blame the kids – in most cases they are just going through a stage (some are just a bit bitey, others not so much). I don’t usually blame the parents either, i doubt very much they want to have a bitey kid.

What does make me really bloody angry is that some parents just turn a blind eye.

I know people don’t have eyes in the back of their heads, i didn’t even see this incident myself (It was at a toddler group and i was in the middle of dealing with the babies poosplosion). Everyone saw the aftermath – no one saw the event.

However I’m pretty sure i know which kid did this – I’m pretty sure everyone else knows too. I’m also pretty sure the mum of the kid knows he did this.

Maybe this kids mum didn’t see it but if she didn’t, she bloody should have. You see – this kids got form.

IF YOU HAVE A KID THAT BITES/KICKS/HITS PLEASE COULD YOU TRY AND KEEP TABS ON THEM INSTEAD OF GOSSIPING/READING A MAGAZINE/BEING A USELESS EXCUSE OF A PARENT?

it’s really not fair on other peoples children. It’s really not fair on your child – they need to know its not ok.

If your child pins my child down and bites him hard enough on the face to cause a bruise then i expect you to acknowledge it and bring him or her over to apologise. Is that really too much to ask?

MummyBarrow

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35 thoughts on “To bite or to be bitten?

  1. Life With Munchers

    Omg!!! That is the worst case of blind eye parenting yet! I’m with you…the other parent must be aware this happened. Chances are the other kid ran to them upset, which would have prompted them. I hope F is ok. It’s not fair. Hugs x

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      I know right! The thing is as a one off it’s not really a problem as i know you can’t see everything. Its the parents that know their children do stuff like this but still fail to supervise them properly – grrr. Thanks for your comment though and yes he was fine but quite shaken for a while!

      Reply
  2. Lauren W

    Oh my gosh!! I have never seen bite marks like that before. Poor poor boy.
    If either of my children ever did that I don’t think I could apologise enough, or make them apologise enough. In fact I would probably go OTT on the apology front.
    I really hope it doesn’t happen again xx

    Reply
  3. Lauren (@LaurenInSuffolk)

    Oh my gosh!! I have never seen bite marks like that before. Poor poor boy.
    If either of my children ever did that I don’t think I could apologise enough, or make them apologise enough. In fact I would probably go OTT on the apology front.
    I really hope it doesn’t happen again xx

    Reply
  4. skintdad

    Poor little fella. I know some children can get a bit bitey at a certain age but, If my youngest were to bite or had bitten another child, the first thing I would do is to let her know its wrong and secondly to make them acknowledge they have upset and hurt another child. If this is done correctly the said child/biter will soon learn that this is wrong and hopefully not carry on biting other children!

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      Thanks. That’s exactly what i think – lots of kids go through bitey stages but the only way they can learn is by being told it’s wrong. I feel sorry for any kid whose parents don’t care enough to parent them properly.

      Reply
  5. carie

    Yeouch! Poor little love that is not fun. Kitty was once bitten hard on the chest and it drew blood through a jumper and tshirt. The crazy thing was that both kids were within arms length of adults who were watching them, we just none of us knew what was happening until it was done. But in our case the young man in question was asked to apologise and then marched upstairs for a little quiet time – poor boy, it was his second birthday party and he was utterly overwhelmed.

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      ouch gosh poor thing – can’t believe he drew blood! Yep i don’t have an issue with the actual biting, it happens, it’s just that some parents don’t seem to care. If you know your child bites surely you should watch them a bit more closely?! Thanks x

      Reply
  6. Laurenne @ This Mummy

    That is horrible, I would have been SO angry. Like you say if the parent had been mortified and apologised profusely you might get over it but to not say anything?!?

    We had a similar thing when we went away this weekend and loads of kids were playing on the park. Most of their parents were watching them from a distance or on the park with them but one little boy no older than 4 was completely left to his own devices with parents nowhere in sight.

    He was being horrible and screaming in my almost two year old’s face when she went to go on the slide and was running up and hitting / kicking other children, loads of kids went off crying because he had hurt them and we and others tried to tell him off but his parents were nowhere to be seen! Every time someone else’s parent tried to reprimand him he just growled and screamed at them!! In the end the park pretty much emptied because everyone was unable to do anything about him.

    I know they get overexcited sometimes but I would hate it and would always make my child apologise (like crazy) if they ever hurt anyone else! If that had been mine I would have frogmarched them out of the toddler group, gone mad, and made them go and apologise / make an apology card etc.

    Oops, essay alert!
    L x

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      That’s terrible – you see who would leave their 4 year old totally unsupervised?! The very reason his behaviour was so bad was probably because his parents leave him to get away with stuff like that. I feel sorry for him.

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment :) x

      Reply
  7. Laura

    Bless him, now I say this as a parent of a mainly ex biter. I’m sure the mother feels awful as I used to. My boy bit out of frustration and did draw blood once- not on the face but on a hand. I always kept an eye on him and warned any parents in a group situation but you can’t watch them 247. It only takes a second for a moment of ‘expression’ and then you have to try and separate them. I always kept close and would always discipline my boy and make him apologies but he was mostly reacting to another action but couldn’t express himself due to glue ear and delayed speech. I don’t know the people concerned but I guess what I’m trying to say is its not always black and white- biters = bad parent because no matter what I done my boy would still express himself with his teeth.

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      Gosh I don’t think that at all and sorry if it came across that way. I totally get that biting is just a phase and not the fault of the parent or child.

      It’s just sometimes, and in this case, the parent swans around chatting and totally neglecting to supervise their child. I just think if you have a child prone to bite or kick you should try and watch then a bit more carefully. Obviously I get you can’t see everything though.

      It’s always the case at soft play too – you get mums just sitting in the cafe reading mags while their kids run around pushing and shoving the little ones. It makes me really cross.

      Reply
      1. Laura Cornwell

        I know thats not what you were saying and I know that there are some parents out there who see groups and soft play as a time to chill. I know I was always more on edge! I was just reading all the comments and it brought back all the memories of feeling useless regardless of how much we explained it was wrong and disciplined our boy.

      2. hurrahforgin Post author

        I really feel for you – but honestly I know so many children who are like this, it’s almost 50:50 and F has a very good friend who we still see a lot of (and he doesn’t care) because his parents are fantastic and always explain its wrong and get him to apologise. It’s so common it really is and you were doing everything right xxxx

  8. ourlifebusymakingmemories

    Oh my Lordy! Your poor poor boy! I would have been totally furious! S had a bit of a bitey phase but thankfully it was only me that he bit and we managed to nip it in the bud fairly quickly… Fingers crossed! I would have been totally mortified if he had done something like that to another child I wouldn’t have been able to apologise enough.
    I hope he’s not too shaken up! Xx

    Reply
  9. Jen Walshaw

    Ouch, that is a pretty outstanding bite mark! I know that these things happen and Mini was always a heavy handed child, but you have to draw the line somewhere. If I had a bitter I wouldn’t have taken them anywhere!

    Reply
  10. Mammasaurus

    Oh I know this all too well sadly… Kitty was bitten on her back in her first month at school last year, a full set of teeth marks that broke the skin all round. Her teacher phones me in tears, 26 years as a teacher and biting had never happened. The boy in question had been overly rough on a number of occassions before so he was excluded for a week – but his mother I saw in the playground never once spoke to me about it. That made me really angry, I know she didn’t bit my daughter but I’d be beside myself if my child had done that to another and would be apologising and full of remorse.
    (The boy in question has just been removed from her class following a whole year of such behaviour sadly)

    So horrible to see them hurt – especially on the face where you can’t fail but to be reminded of it Hope it’s getting much better now x

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      Thank you! He was fine after a few cuddles :)

      Sorry to hear Kitty had such a bad experience too – shocking that the mum never came and spoke to you, no excuse she didn’t know about it either!

      Reply
  11. mummydaddyme

    I can’t quite believe this- I would have been absolutely furious. They all go through a bit of a stage of hitting, kicking or pushing, and some cases biting, and I know some are worse than others, but as a parent you need to make sure you tell them quite firmly that it is completely unacceptable. I would be devastated if Mads did this to another child, and the parents should have made him or her apologise and take them straight out and home. I would truly be absolutely mortified. It is just awful that they didn’t even notice.
    It’s horrible to see them getting hurt, we aren’t at the hitting stage yet, very occasionally she gets a bit rough and will push, but its not in a vicious way at all, more excitable. As such she is always the girl that gets pushed around and hit by her friends. We even had it today with a friend where he kept pushing her and it is horrible to see it happening but my friend kept saying it was wrong to him, when that is the case you just have to put it down to them being kids and not think too much about it. Theres a difference between learning to control their emotions and all out viciousness in my opinion. x

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      Thanks Katie – I think that’s it, it did seem overly vicious. I know some kids just bite but in this instance it was quite serious and it really needed a parent to step in and discipline them.

      Like Mads F seems to bear the brunt of it too, sometimes I worry that he needs to stick up for himself more!

      Reply
  12. Jess @ Along Came Cherry

    Oh my gosh, I would have been so angry. You are right though, it’s not so much the kid that is to blame but the parents, especially if they aren’t even doing anything about it. Kids are rough sometimes but they need to know the difference between that and actually leaving marks after biting so hard. It annoys me how the kids at indoor play centres who tend to behave badly are always the ones whose parents are reading mags and not watching them x

    Reply
  13. ktbtw

    That is awful. Bless his cotton socks. The parent should never turn a blind eye, you should always make the kids say sorry, no matter how embarrassed you feel. Hope your little one is okay =] x

    Reply
  14. Amy

    Oh my god that is terrible! A similar thing happen when my eldest was at nursery. A child bit him and he had a huge mark on his arm. The nursery did all they could but the child kept biting and so they had to ask the parents not to bring him any more. The parents didn’t care and the nursery had spoken to them quite a few times on ways to help the child control his temper. Morgan was terrified to go to nursery afterwards though.
    I hope your little one is okay though. I’ve had a few runnings with parents that turn the blind eye. One of my good friends are one of the worst and I’ve had to slowly stop seeing her because my twins are terrified to hang around with her little girl.

    Reply
  15. mummybarrow

    That’s horrific. Poor wee thing. It’s assault!

    Shameful that parents turn a blind eye to it. Would they if was them being bitten on the face in the office? I think not.

    Reply
  16. Mummy Glitzer

    Oh my goodness!

    Harry has been a biter in the past. Only ever on me or the husband, thankfully and never left a mark but even so, when in group situations we always kept a close eye on him, just in case right up until we were sure he had grown out of it. Had he ever bit anyone else, I would have been mortified and apologised and would have told him it was wrong, in public.

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      I totally sympathise with anyone who has a biter as it must be quite stressful – I just don’t sympathise when it’s the result of bad parenting. Thanks for your comment, you are obviously dealing with it really well x

      Reply
  17. Kerrie McGiveron

    Wow – this photo really shocked me! The poor little mite. My Alice is a little bit bitey with Rosie on the odd occasion, and I really get shouty at her. If she ever did it to another child I would be absolutely gutted. I’d probably cry with shame – I wouldn’t be able to apologise enough. x

    Reply

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