Is it ok to not really miss him?

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This morning baby S is at his first settle at nursery. As i told people about today their comments were mainly along the lines of ‘oh gosh are you worried, are you nervous, I’ll bet you’ll miss him?’

I’m not sure if I’m just a cold, heartless cow but i didn’t think i would, and i was right – i don’t.

Perhaps it’s because both the boys have always seemed pretty independent and happy to be left with family and friends.

Perhaps it’s because he will be in the same building as his brother, where i know all the staff and know he will be well looked after.

Perhaps it’s because I’m finding all the selflessness of being a mum a bit of a struggle at the minute and I’m desperate to claw back a little bit of me time.

Perhaps it’s because neither of them can sit still for a minute. EVER.

He’ll be there for 3 hours, 3 hours is not so long.

3 hours is just enough time to catch up on MIC with a cup of coffee (that i won’t have to keep on a shelf and forget) and a chocolate biscuit (that i won’t have to ‘share’). I’ve done my nails, written this post and put a load of washing on. I’ll hit publish, flick through a couple of magazines and then I’ll be off to get him.

It’s a 20 minute walk and on my stroll I’ll start to grin inanely to myself and increase my pace; because despite not missing my littlest that doesn’t mean that i won’t be bloody excited to see his crazy little face come bumbling towards me when i arrive.

You see that’s the best thing about having a bit of time out, it really helps restore the equilibrium.

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34 thoughts on “Is it ok to not really miss him?

  1. Dean B

    T has been off play-school again. Sigh. We are going to have to start all over again come the New Year. Yes, I loved those precious hours away from her too:)

    Reply
      1. hurrahforgin Post author

        Ha! F went through a period like this when i had baby S – i had to take him in tears :( It was horrible but i had to keep to the routine as i knew it was just because of the big change. He starts school next year at just turned 4 (august born) so he will have to get used to going full time eek x

      2. Dean B

        Will be doing that by Jan. We are also set on sending her to school next year (she’s also August born) because all her friends are going… not because of peer pressure, I just think it will be easier for her to settle down if she’s among kids she knows.

  2. butwhymummywhy

    That sounds exactly like my morning without my kids! MIC and hot coffee and a chocolate biscuit, bliss!!
    Although I missed mine when they started I definitely get what you’re saying, I relish my few hours of peace!! xx

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      ha! great minds :) I guess if i was leaving him for much longer i probably would miss him a bit more, even when he starts properly it will only be for 6 hours a week and i have so much to get done in those hours!!

      Reply
  3. Caro

    I absolutely get this. I have worried in the past that I seem heartless for not picking Thomas up as soon as I finish if my day ends early, or putting him in for his usual nursery day if I don’t have to work at all. But those times make me adore the days we spend together even more, and allow me some much needed “me time”. (Sorry for the funky email address you’ll see with this comment – crazy WordPress keeps rejecting my real one!)

    Reply
  4. amuminlondon

    I bet I will not miss him neither, when my little one goes to nursery in one month (I’m actually counting the days)! You’re so right about the balance, it has to be restored almost daily.

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      Oh yay – so i’m not such a heartless bitch after all! I guess it does make it easier that he is very sociable and seems to love it!
      Hope your little one settles in well soon too x

      Reply
  5. notafrumpymum

    I was chatting to one of our friends on Sunday how I felt a little bit guilty I didn’t miss O more after going away Saturday night. I knew he was having a fab time with his grandparents and it was lovely to spend some alone time with hubby so we didn’t feel the need to miss him as we knew we were heading home early the next morning and then spending the full day doing family stuff!
    Saying that though as soon as we were in the car to come home I couldn’t wait to see his little face and have a big squishy cuddle.

    Reply
  6. Eline

    I get what you’re saying. The first time I left my son at nursery I was too upset to concentrate on work, but I did really, really relish the HOT cuppa. Now I do miss him when he’s not around, and it gets worse as the week goes on. But I definitely don’t miss counting the minutes until his next nap, having to do a million and one chores at breakneck speed yet *silently*, and never having a proper conversation with anyone less drooley. I’m a better, more enthusiastic, more patient mum now that we each have our own space during the day. Yay for (good) nursery!

    Reply
  7. nedwol

    You’re not alone. When I’m not at work Y still goes to nursery. It’s good for her routine and as when It’s the weekend I’m with her 24/7. Everyone needs some time out. I, like you, rush to pick her up or race home from work to see her but when we’re apart and I know she is safe and having a brilliant time with her grandparents or friends and key workers at nursery, I don’t miss her. She’s the bestest thing ever in my life but heck I still need to be me occasionally. Great post.

    Reply
  8. 3yearsandhome

    I personally think that time apart is healthy and you enjoy the time you have with them more if you’re always together. CK used to go to nursery three times a week for a few hours and it really helped me to recharge my batteries because he is such a relentless little whirlwind. I wouldn’t say I really, really missed him but I was so excited to see him again. It helps if they’re at a lovely nursery and feel safe, secure and happy.

    Reply
  9. mylittledreamworld1

    I never missed my older daughter either, even when I worked full time. Or rather, I missed her, but knew she was fine, and I knew I still got to see her each day. I looked forward to seeing her at the end of the day though :) xx

    Reply
  10. thenthefunbegan

    You think that’s bad – I decided not to go and join in my 16 month old’s Christmas sing-a-long at nursery this morning and I don’t feel bad about it! I had the day off but my four year old was also having his sing-a-long in the afternoon (which I did attend with my mum) and when I planned the day off these activities were not on the cards and I had a *lot* planned for getting up to speed with Christmas shopping/cards/wrapping/decorating/cleaning you name it! My mum said why worry, he’s too little to know what’s going on and she was right apparently he was happy as Larry (whereas JJ was clingy and teary when I attended his at the same age). Don’t get me wrong, if I could be there for him and still have time for everything else and a bit of a ‘me-time’ hiatus I would, but something’s got to give right? I think its true as well about us being more relaxed about our second children – they are the chilled ones!

    Reply
  11. Katie @mummydaddyme

    I get this completely Katie. Mads started settling in sessions last week and I was so nervous, and LL starts in January and I will be even worse. And a bit of sadness that the time is going quickly. But it’s just initial nerves which I am sure will subside after a couple of weeks. I am relishing a bit of me time. I don’t have to do it this time around, as I am not going back to work but I will be doing freelance work two days a week. I could technically struggle as I am now and do it every evening and weekends. But I don’t want to do that, I want a bit of me time. Two is a lot more suffocating than one- I adore my girls but I am getting to the point now LL is ten months that I am looking forward to when she starts in January. I will miss her, of course I will, and I will be nervous and a little sad on her first day, but I need it for me. And you are right, its a wonderful feeling when you pick them up. x

    Reply
  12. cariemay

    It sound like you have a wonderful nursery! I know exactly what you mean about going faster and faster as you get to nursery to collect them – I speed up and up and up until I’m just shy of running!

    Reply
  13. littlemissmum

    Yep, totally get this. I just enjoyed being able to go to the loo BY MYSELF. My Little Miss has been at nursery over a year, and every now and then I have a day off work, while she is at nursery. I have to be very careful not to skip out the nursery door, I’m so excited! But by 5pm, I’m very happy to have her back again. “Absence makes the heart grow stronger” (even if it is just a couple of hours!)

    Reply
  14. bannisto

    Chiplet is starting his first settling session next week and I am excited for him. When he is there though.. I will be at work so no ME time clawed back sadly :(

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin Post author

      I will mostly be working too but it still feels like me time in a way as you don’t have people climbing over me, pulling my hair and requesting biscuits every 5 minutes. It actually feels a bit like being at a spa, i need to get a life! ;)

      Reply
  15. Kerrie McGiveron

    COR! To your three hours! I don’t miss my kids either – sounds cold, but I’m glad of the break! When I pick them up, then I know I’ve sort-of missed being with them…it’s complicated. I love them more than my whole life, but they drive me mad. You know what I mean! Great post xxx

    Reply

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