From time to time mummy gets asked to review things on this blog, usually she can’t be arsed. Her policy is to say yes to alcohol, food or holidays so when Domino’s contacted her and asked her to hold a football pizza party she was all like ‘great that will be one dinner i don’t have to cook then.’
The biggest worry when you get take out is always – are you sure you got enough?!
Lets get stuck into the kronie then!
We have an incredibly organised filing system in our house for important documents and miscellaneous items. It goes a little something like this: –
- The lift up lid box (aka foot stool) – lint rollers, tea lights, dusters, broken sunglasses and the digital thermometer
- The kitchen scales – nail files, keys, clip safe things, bits of lego and used batteries helpfully mixed with new batteries
- Kitchen table – magazines, nursery day sheets, unwritten thank you cards that will never get sent, gaffa tape and the latest Toys R Us catalogue
- Blackboard key tidy thing – parking permits, chalk, safety pins, blue tack, party invites, hair bobbles and Calpol sachets
- By the Printer – generally just a huge stack of various papers including bills, forms that need filling out, to do lists, the kids ‘art work’ and seasonal related goods such as the a panini world cup sticker album
- The ‘to file’ box – important documents that needs to be filed
- The actual file – a bunch of old documents that need removing from the file so that stuff that actually needs to be filed, can be filed
Day 1 – We are going on a holiday. Daddy says it’s a chance for us all to relax which makes mummy snort and mutter something like ‘same old sh*t, different location.’ A thing called packing happens which seems to make everyone hate each other and random inanimate objects such as shoes and charging devices.
After we have been in the car for a bit the baby sicks up loads of big lumps of milk that stink. We can’t stop due to the motorway so we have to drive for ages with lots of crying and everyone feeling sick due to the disgusting sick smell.
When we finally find somewhere to stop mummy starts changing the baby and daddy wanders off, she says ‘you have got to be kidding me!’ He comes back later with a coffee the size of his head which mummy says is ‘bloody ridiculous’. I wonder if when i grow up, i will get angry about the size of drinks other people buy too.
We get on a boat that takes us on the sea to the France which is a place where they drive on the wrong side of the road and eat cross ants for breakfast.
The house we are staying on sits on water. It has no wifi which is also ‘bloody ridiculous’ and causes mummy to have a tech tantrum similar to when i throw the ipad on the floor in a rage or when daddy kicks the xbox because he loses on Fifa. It means I can’t watch videos of people opening kinder eggs on YouTube. This sucks.
I can’t sleep because i don’t understand how a house can be on the water and not be a boat. I have to ask for clarification 37 times before i can properly relax.
Sometimes i wonder if perhaps my blog focuses too much on the down sides of parenthood, that i talk too much about the frustrating aspects of my children. But then i think ‘hey they provide the material, if they want to be painted in a more positive light then perhaps they should stop being such little @#*&!’s.’
I jest of course (a bit) and there are days when i really don’t have a jot to complain about. The suns recent show stopping performances have been leaving everybody in a very bright mood. For us its a chance to have a perfect kind of day.
A mosey along down to the seaside.
The Christmas tree rules in our house are as follows – Real tree, big as you you like, absolutely no colour co-ordination, star on top and all decorations welcome!
The cute and the colourful
1. I want a Motex label maker and pretty tape from Amazon £12.99
2. A lovely Bunny lampshade by Belle & Boo £43
3. I adore all things Art Deco so this poster book from Waterstones £26.30 is right up my street
4. Another hat please – purple cable knit beanie with fur pom from Topshop £18
5. An oak bunny ears egg cup by Hop & Peck should mean i eat even more eggs £18
6. Hello Mr. Fox! Necklace from Simply Suzy Q £18
7. I actually already have this but i had to add a Christmas tree jumper from New Look £29.99 – it has flashing lights in the star!
8. Brixton is a place close to my heart so i have my eye on this screen print by Lucy Loves This £32
9. I keep losing gloves so need these pixel mittens from Topshop £25
10. Finally more foxes in the form of this pretty printed scarf from Aspire Style £12.99
**Well actually it was more like 14 months ago but it didn’t have quite the same ring to it as a title so sue me ;)**
This time ‘just over’ a year ago we were jetting off on holiday to Cyprus. A Septembers final fling to the diabolical summer that we had.
A chance for F to experience his first true taste of beach life, far away from the cold grey waters of home. A chance for us to spend so much time in and out of the water that we hardly have any shots of us in clothes.
1. You can personalise these beautiful hammered bangle/rings from Carole Allen Jewellery from £62.
2. I love a good Satchel and this one from Vida Vida is simple, traditional and perfect £75.
3. Navy Jacquard Shift from Miss Selfridge £45. Great for Christmas parties and winter weddings.
4. A nod to Halloween with this super fun pumpkin head to store all your Lego £13.95.
5. Shiny ‘HEY y’all’ gold foil print by Stephanie Creekmur at Etsy £12.70.
6. Very versatile Red or Dead rosie flats from Schuh £65.
7. New Bailey’s Chocolate Luxe from Tesco £15. Yum.
8. I’m a big fan of Alien and Angel by Thierry Mugler and i would love Womanity too, from The Fragrance Shop £38.99 for 30ml.
9. LSA bar cocktail glasses for Christmas cocktails from Heal’s £25 for 2.
10. I adore foxes so am a big fan of this little rubber stamp from kaelagraham on Etsy, just £4.13
I grew up by the seaside. In the summer holidays we went to the beach pretty much everyday and spent a lot of that time messing about on lilo’s in the waves. In my head is was always hot and sunny although my mum tells me it really wasn’t.
Days by the sea make me think of Cornetto’s, hot tar pavements burning your feet, the hum of planes in the sky, the yes and no game, salt and vinegar smells in the air from the chip stalls, greengages, egg sandwiches, Robinsons squash warmed by the sun, Nina’s gift shop, lilo surfing and Mint Feasts. Happy times.
I can hardly bear to watch this rubbish but i do, every bloody Saturday, because I’m just a crowd following, wine drinking zombie.
I find myself shouting at the TV like a loon, i find myself developing an intense dislike for people i have never even met, i find myself willing people to fail because it makes for more interesting TV, i find myself enjoying the elimination because – you know what, life’s a bitch and sometimes you just gotta deal with that.
What really bewilders me and makes me extra shouty is the pre-recorded clips.
‘I’ve wanted to be a pop star since i was 6 months old bla bla bla’ – cue image of contestant performing at a family BBQ. Can’t everyone dig out one pathetic photo of them dressed in 80’s pop star ensemble holding a hair brush? Didn’t everyone want to be a pop star at some point?